I never thought I would miss you this much. Though it was very clear that one day I’m gonna leave you after getting married.
It’s not your walls or your spacious veranda that’s making me home sick. It’s those visible stains of my childhood on your walls and the soothing sunlight which makes my stomach churn with nostalgia. At times, it’s so intense that it pricks my eyes.
Almost everything is same here, from sunrise to sunsets. But I don’t witness them very often. Thanks to all the tall buildings and the veranda-less houses. Though, occasionally I run upstairs to the terrace and let the sun rays play on my skin.
There is also a tiny east-faced window in the kitchen which has became my friend. My mother-in-law always let it open partially obstructing the view from outside. But I can see all the happenings on the road while cooking.
The road hosts a lot of real dramas — auto-drivers sleeping in their autos beside the no-parking sign board, energetic baraatis passing by with a dull bride-groom and some oldies taking their dogs out for a walk. The city seems to be very much home for almost all of them. They roam freely and chatter unthinkingly about almost anything.
Although there is no rule for me to not chatter and there are no restrictions on me going anywhere. Still, I watch my words and actions. Because, it’s not my home. Actually it is. It is very much my home legally and I really believe it is. May be, my heart needs some more time to feel like home.
No, no. I’m happy. I’m happily married to a man much better than my dreams. My heart has found it’s home in him and my physical being has also got a nice place to live. It’s the other people of the house who are very distant to me, my heart.
I sometimes feel marriage is a gift. It gifts you a soulmate which usually comes with unnecessary colorful wrappings which looks decorative at first and irritating after a while. But you’ll try to keep all of them out of some untold patriarchial duties. In my case, it’s them, my not-so-friendly in-laws.
I try to ignore them by reminiscing the days spent with you till my man comes back and switch on the fairy lights of my life.
Dear home, you’ll always be my home as somebody rightly said, “the home is where the heart is.”
Your distant inhabitant,
Dare you never
Neither force me.
I can’t entertain your wishes —
I’m not that she.
Still you want me to follow?
Fix this thing in your mind shallow.
My soul is mine.
My choice is fine.
I’m not the bird – you can cage.
I’m a butterfly,
I wander as per my taste.
I sit on beauties which reflect respect.
I’ll stay where the smell of love is felt.
‐Sana Mahin. (Copyright reserved)
I hardly weigh 10 pounds
Still I’m like a burden for some.
Unlike other kids, I’m not loved
I got abandoned
Along with my mother
By my so-called father,
For whom marriage was just a game,
Least he had any shame.
I feel mother is luckier than me,
Many are ready to accept her,
Still she hold a charm in her,
People say, she’s of some use.
But I became a stone in her path,
To get a new light in her life.
Though I can’t walk
And hardly can talk.
Some men don’t want a ready-made daughter,
For them, their genetic share matters.
Some men fear about expenses.
I didn’t even got all my milky teeth
I feed on milk, little oxygen I breath.
Someday mom may get married again,
Aunties won’t let her live in pain.
After which, I’ll be totally alone,
My right to be called as her daughter will be gone.
Her new husband may not want a ready-made daughter,
My story will be shared in parties with hidden laughter.
After all, I’m an abandoned daughter,
No one wants me, because genetic share matters..
©® Sana Mahin..
Written with a heavy heart..
Heeyyy guys! How are you all? I haven’t been posting here for so long.. No, I was not busy but don’t know I wasn’t feeling like posting anything or say I’ve been procrastinating.
You know what, I have something amazing to share with you and I’m sure you gonna love this too. It’s a lesson I learnt from one of my favorite book “The kite runner” by Khaled Hosseini. I can’t tell you how much I loved this book.
The plot revolves around the friendship of two boys Amir and Hasan battling their lives in war tormented country, Afghanistan. The story is all about love, loss and betrayal. The most important thing I like about this book is it shows us why we shouldn’t judge people by their past especially when they are fighting their own souls not to repeat that again.
And here comes my favorite part of the book.
“Now, no matter what the mullah teaches, there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft. When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness. There is no act more wretched than stealing, Amir”
I can’t agree more on these lines. Isn’t stealing the most criminal act? And I think we can add few more lines to it.
When you tell someone that they are wrong or their opinion is wrong, you’re stealing their right to have an opinion. Everyone on this planet has the right to live an independent life, we don’t have any right to steal their freedom unless it’s hurting others either physically or emotionally.
But, certain people let their emotions attach with others. For some people the way others wear clothes also hurts, the way others pray also hurts and they do all to stop them from doing that, and it’s also a variation of theft. You can’t steal someone’s right to be just the way they are. It’s a crime.
My ratings : 4.5/5
Comment below if you’ve read the book and what you liked about this most.
You created a huge piece of land,
As a gift for mankind..
Decorated with ribbons
Of five huge oceans,
We draw few lines
And kept extending it..
Dividing your beautiful gift
Nations we split..
We are taught to love
Only our part of land
Where we born..
Is this why you created earth?
To draw lines
And fight wars?
Can’t we love the total gift?
And still be called patriot?
I love my country and I don’t need to prove this.. I feel loving your country is an obvious emotion, you don’t need to develop it..
Sometimes I feel either we are Indian, American, European.. We should be Earthian first..
Thank you for reading..
The falling of rain is a mystery,
Some thought the drops dancing,
Enjoying their chemistry..
Some feel it’s crying,
As they left the cemetery..
For me, it reveals history
Of being abandoned by the clouds..
Showing no signs of injury,
Falling with liberty breaking all bonds,
It symbolizes victory..!
I think we should all learn this from rain..
Pain pierced me, When I wrote the
Something inside me began to ate…
I did not actually forgot,
It’s the day I celebrated a lot…
It’s the day, my dad married a fairy,
People call it their wedding anniversary…
To give a surprise to mom and dad,
How crazy fights, we siblings had..
I remember how we saved money,
Forbidding some candies of orange and honey…
When we looked at the candles on cake,
We wished their bond to never shake..
Today I can’t wish a happy anniversary,
To that lonely sweet fairy…
Her prince had been taken away,
Divine separation made her alone stay…
I wish their reunion in heaven,
Above all the skies seven…
May they celebrate million anniversaries,
In the land of no separation and worries…
Love you mumma and papa… (Aameen)
(I wrote this yesterday on the occasion of my their wedding anniversary.. )
Thanks for reading..